If you hold a five-pound weight in your hand for thirty seconds, you may not even feel the tug. You probably won't even realize you're holding on to something of consequence. Let's take this five-pound weight and imagine holding on to it for a week, two weeks; eventually it begins to drag at your arm, your shoulders, and your ability to stand upright.
And then imagine someone comes up and says, “It can't be that heavy. You're exaggerating.” This reaction is part of the stigma that still surrounds mental health, especially men's mental health. Progress has been made, but shame persists: many young men are taught from day one that crying is weak and emotions are “for girls.” So instead of putting the weight down, they keep holding on until their arms and minds can hold no longer.
According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, roughly 49,000 Americans died by suicide in 2023; about 39,000 of them were men. These numbers are a blunt reminder that stigma has consequences. My sophomore year brought months of depression and weeks when I wondered if I should keep going. I am still here, and I'm here to tell you that when I say there will always be a better day ahead, I mean it: there will be a finish line, and staying makes it worth crossing.
Our generation has a chance to end the “man up” narrative and shift it into a discussion of empathy and support. It takes one conversation to save a life, and you may not even know you're doing that. However, it starts by creating a habit. Eventually, you won't have to think about checking up on someone; rather, it will become an automatic thought to talk about the deeper things going on. In the wise words of Mike Potter, from D2UP,
“The worst thing you can do is nothing at all.”
If you're reading this and thinking you don't belong—something could never be as untrue as that. When I tell people that I have severe anxiety or used to struggle heavily with depression, I get a sense that they have no idea what to say. I don't want them to feel bad, but what I want is for people to understand that it is okay to have problems and to speak about them. Mental health is real health, and often, problems stem from chemical imbalances in the brain (it's not your fault). Talk to someone.
We owe it to one another to ask a simple question: How are you really? And with this question, to listen without judgment. Normalize vulnerability: When men speak, believe them and help them put the weight down. Check on a friend. Let conversations about mental health be normal instead of shameful.
If you are in crisis, call or text the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988.